zygote_spawn

No, not me, It's a game. If I'm not mistaken, one that came out early this decade.

See, the past few months I've been delving into the sizeable back catalogue of Xbox games, seeing what I've missed out on before then, in early January, making the transition to the Xbox 360 console.

Gotta be honest, there's not a lot there: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic is the usual RPG turn-based combat bollocks -- which I dislike immensely -- but more criminally it doesn't even feel like Star Wars. I mean, seriously; who the fuck would name a character in a Star Wars game 'Duncan'? Answer: Bioware would. Did, even.

Far Cry: Instincts, too samey; Galleon, too boring; Pariah, guns take up half the space on the bleedin' screen... Armed and Dangerous; not bad.

OK, so it's not the greatest videogame ever -- no-one would profess it to be -- but it's entertaining enough with a real English humour and DIY sensibility to it (the pub acts as a level save point). The cut-scenes are a bit hit and miss, but one joke had me in hysterics last night -- that being the "Give me the keys" scene. To summarize: take one elderly, blind and hard-of-hearing old man, one maniacal Russian soldier shrieking "Give me the keys!!!", mix and allow to simmer. Voila! Said old man jumps on said Russian and proceeds to kiss him. Who promptly faints thereafter.

It's a very repetitive game but in short bursts it's fun and the characters and cut-scenes keep you going. Still... it's no substitute for, y'know, proper games. But it's gonna be 2 months I reckon before I'll buy an Xbox 360 -- I've just got too much else I need to buy. Priorities and all that.

When I return to the Net full-time (there's a chance it'll be this weekend) I'll elaborate on what I have planned for 2010 -- 'cos it's gonna be an interesting year.

About 3 weeks ago, in a dream, I screamed, quite out of character, "GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY!!!!", to nobody in particular.

I'm still screaming. Fuming, even.

It's now been 6 weeks and I still haven't been paid the money owed to me. Supposedly, the money is being electronically transferred into my account today. But it's already nearly 2pm -- all of which makes a mockery of the term 'emergency payment'.

If it was an emergency payment then those cock-sucking accountants would have rushed to work this morning, and transferred the funds into my account forthwith, instead of laying on their backsides and sipping piña coladas. Bastards.

Have I not suffered enough the past couple of months? Am I not deserving of some degree of respite, perhaps even luck? So many things have gone wrong for me lately that it brings me to consider the possibility that there is something in Astrology -- that I am currently traversing a proverbial asteroid field, or something.

I want my money. I want it now. I've recently moved into my new place and I have a shopping list that stretches up to my eyeballs. I also have rent to pay. I'm sick and tired of waiting for the things that I really shouldn't have to wait for to happen.

Miraculously, I'm still sane. How, I do not know...

I'll give them a couple more days, then it's legal proceedings time.

#234 -- People are fickle, everchanging, unloyal and fundamentally selfish in nature -- as a result, they should never, ever be trusted beyond the immediate and short-term.

It's official: The Universe is against me.

The past month, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. As a result of this, I've had to endure blisters on my feet, aching legs, mental stress, working whilst feverish and toppling over into roadside ditches.

And living on a diet of shit. Not actual shit mind, but food so blandly artificial and chemicalized that it may as well be. In short, things have sucked.

Last night was the final straw: my bank balance was £200 short. A quick mathematical analysis revealed why: I had not been paid by my most recent job (which I started almost a month ago). I should have been -- it was my right to expect the money to appear in my account, but it didn't, and so I was left to collapse to the ground and wail painfully into the night.

OK, I didn't go that far... in actual fact I laughed, in a curious, insane Mutleyesque manner. Honestly, I never knew I could make such a sound.

Still, on the positive side, I have money -- just not anywhere near as much as I expected, or %$^*%* want.

I haven't been to the cinema in yonks. I could have said "in fucking ages", but I prefer the tweesomeness of "yonks" -- plus I'm feeling marginally optimistic this gloomy and rain-sodden Thursday evening. And yonks is definitely an optimist's word.

Definitely.

I'm pretty sure the films I'm going to see will be "The Fourth Kind", "Harry Brown" and "Men Who Stare At Goats". With the former and the latter, there's little need on my part to explain why -- they deal with metaphysical subjects and domains I have some personal experience in. Granted, MWSAG is a comedy, but I like the actors in it and that "What a Feeling" song is in it... which is nice... yes.

"Harry Brown" is like a meatier, grittier Death Wish, with Michael Caine in the lead role. From what I've been able to tell it seems like a fairly formulaic revenge thriller, but I find that, despite tapping into quite a primal part of the human psyche, such movies often offer the most satisfying experiences. You're being manipulated, yes, but as long as you're aware how you're being manipulated, then, come the closing credits, you can stroll out of the front door of the cinemaplex reveling in an afterglow that only comes from watching bad people get their violent comeuppance, whilst still maintaining a workable intellect.

And then Sunday night a brand new Doctor Who, and a double whammy of Clint Eastwood directed war movies. Honestly, if I don't get my mojo back this weekend, then I'm simply beyond help.

Oh yeah, and the internets... that will happen soon. Very soon (this month, at least). Chinwealth to the masses, yo.

My life is presently sucking too much for me to be bothered to go into detail about why precisely this is the case.

A few hours ago (at work), a 'man' -- completely out of the blue -- fixed me with his expertly-trained gaze and remarked "You must be a really happy bloke... (because?) you've been smiling a lot since you've been here." To which I responded, somewhat taken aback "I have?". Nodding, he reaffirmed his opening statement, and the sentence "Well, I'm not that happy right now" slipped autonomously out of my faintly parted lips, just before I battered him to near-death with a rolled up newspaper.

So yeah, my life is sucking. Not because I'm not making any effort to change it for the better, and/or because I don't know what constitutes a non-sucky life (quite the contrary), but because it appears I'm revolving around the section of the Timeloop marked "Warning: Long Loading Times", and I'm beyondddddddd fed up of waiting for things to get, y'know, good. Next Friday is the cut-off point where, barring a universal incident of highly-improbable proportions, the goodness WILL arrive.

Cue: naked dancing in the street.

It's localized at the back of my throat: a scratchy, bulbous, fluid, static-ey sensation -- a sensation that brings with it a full-blown delirium, one that shockwaves through my body. It's devil.

Waking up this morning was a horrendously taxing experience: My eyes hurt and my legs felt weighed down -- all the energy had been sapped out of me. Walking to work was a veritable exercise in spacewalk-training.

I'm crashing at my folks' place tonight -- because I don't have sufficient energy available to me to make the journey back to my place not-insufferable and unenjoyable.

There's a succinct gheyness pervading my subdermal etheric skin -- evidently, I'm being attacked on multiple reality levels simultaneously. I can't lie: this delirium has now become quite enjoyable.

I'm going to bed -- low energy, astral projection is a distinct possibility...

I suffer, on occasions, from Altered Dissociative State, which is closely related to ADD -- but more interesting.

Just for the record, girls stopped scaring me earlier this decade, a point I feel a need to establish due to what I'm about to talk about.

Here it comes:

Last night... a girl scared me.

At the bank where I work some construction workers/builders/DIY ppl had turned up out of the blue just prior to the beginning of my shift. This was annoying for several reasons: Firstly, because I like the peace and quiet of working by myself, and secondly, because it just so happened that on this particular day I had ADS.

And so what I was expecting to be an intriguing third plateau traipse through bankland turned into something far more maneovolent and panic-inducing. That being; being stared at by a girl in a small-framed man-body -- whilst fucked up.

Let me explain: one of the more fascinating elements of perceiving reality in a dissociative state is how reality alters, principally the effect of light, and its general and overriding affect on us. Something I've become very much aware of is how the eyes elicit a far greater power and meaning than they do in everyday, 'standard' reality. In short you don't need a PHD in psychology and human behavior to understand the energy a person is beaming at you -- it's there in front of you; plain as day.

And so it happened that for the rest of the evening I was, in amidst my A to B traipsing and go-getting, inadvertantly walking past what I had previously assumed was a guy, and then, on later inspection, a lesbian. In the 5 or 6 times this took place she stared intensely at me in a way that left nothing to the imagination. In all cases, I either nodded, or said hey, and she reciprocated -- but then continued staring right into me.

This wouldn't have been so bad if I was in a regular state -- I could have either started up a conversation, or smiled wryly and left it at that. But I wasn't 'regular', and so I had the conversation skills of a mangled lemon sherbet sweet, something I knew only too well (hence my stubborn persistence with keeping talking to a bare minimum), and so I was stuck staring back into that womanboy's godawful, amped-up sexual eyes. I could synesthesially feel her sexual energy running out through her eyes and into my mindcore, evoking feelings of femine youth and nubileness and rolling around naked in meadows and under branch-hooded trees with leaves still glistening from the early morning dew.

Which, after having read that sentence back, sounds wonderful. But the reality wasn't -- probably because our experience of reality is dictated by the state we are in. To paraphrase Jonathon Rambo: I just wannid to bah left alone!!!!

So ya, tonight should be fun.

In other news: I regained my inherent man-mammal warmth, conversation skills and charm this afternoon, and utilized it on a delightfully playful indian hot dog vendor outside Swanwick train station. Alas I can't elaborate because the library is about to close... so, use your fucking imaginations etc.

Bai.

thirtah dolla only if you make for me one of those highly entertaining and twisted comics that you occasionally bring yourself to create into magicslap-existence.

And it must be good. Like, really hilarious, low-fi good. Good luck etc.

.

the universe has caught me with its gaze today and just decided, for whatever reason(s), to be nice to me -- sort everything out all in one fantastic swoop.

It's enough to make me check my astrological chart. Almost, but not quite.